Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.
After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.
As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house. Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table; asked him something in French (which Murphy couldn't understand); so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak a word of his language.
After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her. After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner..... after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up. Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.
To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.
Friday, 15 July 2011
The Furniture Dealer
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
Sunday, 10 April 2011
BRAINS OF BRITAIN
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman:
What is another name for ' cherrypickers ' and ' cheesemongers ' ?
Contestant:
Homosexuals..
Jeremy Paxman:
No. They ' re regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you
BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston:
Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant:
Geography isn ' t my strong point.
Jamie Theakston:
There ' s a clue in the title.
Contestant:
Leicester
BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White:
Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant:
I don ' t know.
Stewart White:
I ' ll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant:
Arm
Stewart White:
Correct. And if you ' re not weak, you ' re...?
Contestant:
Strong.
Stewart White:
Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten ' s first name?
Contestant:
Louis
Stewart White:
Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant:
Frank Sinatra?
LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )
Alex Trelinski:
What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant:
France .
Trelinski:
France is another country. Try again.
Contestant:
Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski:
Wrong, sorry, let ' s try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant:
Sorry, I don ' t know.
Trelinski:
Just guess a country then.
Contestant:
Paris .
THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson:
Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant:
The Conservative Party.
BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )
DJ Mark:
For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis:
I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoyne:
What was Gandhi ' s first name?
Contestant:
Goosey?
GWR FM ( Bristol )
Presenter:
What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant:
I don ' t know, I wasn ' t watching it then.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO? MANCHESTER )
Phil:
What ' s 11 squared?
Contestant:
I don ' t know.
Phil:
I ' ll give you a clue. It ' s two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant:
Is it five?
RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard:
Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
Contestant:
Forrest Gump.
RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard:
On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant:
Er. ... ...
Richard:
He makes bread . . .
Contestant:
Er .. .......
Richard:
He makes cakes . . .
Contestant:
Kipling Street ?
LINCS FM PHONE-IN
Presenter:
Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant:
Barcelona .
Presenter:
I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant:
I ' m sorry, I don ' t know the names of any countries in Spain ...
NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Question:
What is the world ' s largest continent?
Contestant:
The Pacific..
ROCK FM ( PRESTON )
Presenter:
Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.
Contestant:
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre:
What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant:
Magna Carta?
JAMES O ' BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
James O ' Brien:
How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant:
Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth .. ER. ER ... Three?
CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )
Chris Searle:
In which European country is Mount Etna ?
Caller:
Japan .
Chris Searle:
I did say which European country, so in case you didn ' t hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller:
Er ............ Mexico ?
PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )
Paul Wappat:
How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (long pause):
Fourteen days.
DARYL DENHAM ' S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham:
In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant:
Holland ?
Daryl Denham:
Try the next letter of the alphabet..
Contestant:
Iceland ? Ireland ?
Daryl Denham: (helpfully)
It ' s a bad line. Did you say Israel ?
Contestant:
No.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Phil Wood:
What ' K ' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant:
Er... ...... ..
Phil Wood:
It ' s got two syllables . . . Kor .
Contestant:
Blimey?
Phil Wood:
Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . ..
Contestant:
(Silence)
Phil Wood:
OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . ..
Contestant:
Walked?
THE VAULT
Melanie Sykes:
What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant:
Nostalgia.
LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)
Presenter:
What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant:
Jewish.
Presenter:
That ' s close enough.
STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
Wright:
Johnny Weissmuller died on this day.. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?
Contestant:
Jesus.
BRAINS OF BRITAIN
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman:
What is another name for ' cherrypickers ' and ' cheesemongers ' ?
Contestant:
Homosexuals..
Jeremy Paxman:
No. They ' re regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you
BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston:
Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant:
Geography isn ' t my strong point.
Jamie Theakston:
There ' s a clue in the title.
Contestant:
Leicester
BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White:
Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant:
I don ' t know.
Stewart White:
I ' ll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant:
Arm
Stewart White:
Correct. And if you ' re not weak, you ' re...?
Contestant:
Strong.
Stewart White:
Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten ' s first name?
Contestant:
Louis
Stewart White:
Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant:
Frank Sinatra?
LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )
Alex Trelinski:
What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant:
France .
Trelinski:
France is another country. Try again.
Contestant:
Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski:
Wrong, sorry, let ' s try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant:
Sorry, I don ' t know.
Trelinski:
Just guess a country then.
Contestant:
Paris .
THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson:
Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant:
The Conservative Party.
BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )
DJ Mark:
For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis:
I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoyne:
What was Gandhi ' s first name?
Contestant:
Goosey?
GWR FM ( Bristol )
Presenter:
What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant:
I don ' t know, I wasn ' t watching it then.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO? MANCHESTER )
Phil:
What ' s 11 squared?
Contestant:
I don ' t know.
Phil:
I ' ll give you a clue. It ' s two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant:
Is it five?
RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard:
Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
Contestant:
Forrest Gump.
RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard:
On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant:
Er. ... ...
Richard:
He makes bread . . .
Contestant:
Er .. .......
Richard:
He makes cakes . . .
Contestant:
Kipling Street ?
LINCS FM PHONE-IN
Presenter:
Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant:
Barcelona .
Presenter:
I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant:
I ' m sorry, I don ' t know the names of any countries in Spain ...
NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Question:
What is the world ' s largest continent?
Contestant:
The Pacific..
ROCK FM ( PRESTON )
Presenter:
Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.
Contestant:
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre:
What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant:
Magna Carta?
JAMES O ' BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
James O ' Brien:
How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant:
Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth .. ER. ER ... Three?
CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )
Chris Searle:
In which European country is Mount Etna ?
Caller:
Japan .
Chris Searle:
I did say which European country, so in case you didn ' t hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller:
Er ............ Mexico ?
PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )
Paul Wappat:
How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (long pause):
Fourteen days.
DARYL DENHAM ' S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham:
In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant:
Holland ?
Daryl Denham:
Try the next letter of the alphabet..
Contestant:
Iceland ? Ireland ?
Daryl Denham: (helpfully)
It ' s a bad line. Did you say Israel ?
Contestant:
No.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Phil Wood:
What ' K ' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant:
Er... ...... ..
Phil Wood:
It ' s got two syllables . . . Kor .
Contestant:
Blimey?
Phil Wood:
Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . ..
Contestant:
(Silence)
Phil Wood:
OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . ..
Contestant:
Walked?
THE VAULT
Melanie Sykes:
What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant:
Nostalgia.
LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)
Presenter:
What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant:
Jewish.
Presenter:
That ' s close enough.
STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
Wright:
Johnny Weissmuller died on this day.. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?
Contestant:
Jesus.
The amazing human body
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kilos
The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED
Men Are Just Happier People--
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines. A five-day holiday requires
only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is $9.50 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are
more than enough. You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do
Christmas shopping for 24 relatives on 24th December in 24 minutes. No
wonder men are happier.
Who\'s the Daddy?
The following are all replies that Manchester women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing "father's details;" or putting it another way.... Who's the Daddy?
These are genuine excerpts from the forms. Be sure to checkout #10. It takes 1st prize and #3 is runner up.
1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins,
Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am
unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but
I believe that she was conceived on the same night.
2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my
child as I was being sick out of a window when taken
unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list
of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.
3. I do not know the name of the father of my little
girl. She was conceived at a party at 360 East Bolton Avenue where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do
remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you
do manage to track down the father, can you please send me
his phone number? Thanks .
4. I don't know the identity of the father of my
daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my
stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW
service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced .
5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a
Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope
confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate
and that he is the Saver risen again.
6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia dad as he
informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that
would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn
between doing right by you and right by the country . Please advise...
7.Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A If you do
catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my
AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time....
well, I don't have clue.
8. From the dates it seems that my daughter was
conceived at Euro-Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom .
9. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing
that I remember for sure is Gordo Ramsey did a programme
about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and
watched more TV rather than going to the party at 56
Miller St , mine might have remained unfertilized .
10. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my
baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you
can't be sure which one made you fart.
Saturday, 2 April 2011
The White House loo
Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get
acquainted tour of the White House.
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked outgoing President Bil
Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.
When he entered Clinton 's private toilet, he was astonished to see that
President Clinton had a solid gold urinal.
That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. 'Just think,'
he said, 'when I am President, I too could have a gold urinal.
But I wouldn't do something so self-indulgent!'
Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she
told Hillary how impressed George had been at his
discovery of the fact that, in his private bathroom, the President had a
gold urinal.
That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary
smiled, and said to Bill:..................
'I found out who pissed in your saxophone.'
Sunday, 13 March 2011
A Blonde\'s Year in Review
January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels......
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!!
March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said ' 2-4 years!'
April
Trapped on escalator for hours ... power went out!!!
May
Tried to make Kool-Aid......wrong instructions.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June
Tried to go water skiing.........couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition......learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open.
September
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October
Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December
Couldn't call 911. 'duh'......there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'
To which she replied, 'There certainly is!'
(Are you ready? This is a beauty...)
' My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'
Sunday, 20 February 2011
HOW MEN AMUSE THEMSELVES IN TESCO
Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping
This letter was actually sent by Tesco's Head Office to a Customer in Oxford :
Dear Mrs. Murray
Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering
banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your Husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of his actions over the past few months all Verified by our surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's Trolleys when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute Intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to Feminine Products aisle.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code3' in housewares..... And watched what happened.
5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing Department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor
Gas stove.
7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me
alone?'
8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
9. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the Antidepressants
were.
10. November 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme.
11.November 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna' look using different size funnels.
12. November 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, Yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'
13. November 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices
again.'
And; last, but not least:
14. November 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while, then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'
We thank you for your patronage, but please leave your husband at home.
Tesco.
Banbury.
Catholic Parrots
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a
problem.
I have two female parrots,
But they only know to say one thing'
'What do they say?' the priest asked.
They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'
'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,
Then he thought for a moment.....
'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem.
I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read
the
Bible...
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the
cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship,
And your parrots are sure to stop saying... That phrase... In no time.'
'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'
The next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest's house....
As he ushered her in, She saw that his two male parrots
were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying...
Impressed, She walked over and placed her parrots in with them...
After a few minutes, The female parrots cried out in unison:
Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'
There was stunned silence...
One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says,
'Put the beads away, Frank,
Our prayers have been answered!
ACTUAL PASSPORT LETTER-----HILARIOUS!
ACTUAL PASSPORT LETTER-----HILARIOUS!
This letter is a thing of great beauty (even if the language is a bit strong)...You definitely feel the guy's pain!
Dear Sirs,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot
believe this. How is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone
number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back
in 1977, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody
born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have
on my pension book, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for
the past 30 years. It is on my National Health card, my driving license,
my car insurance, on the last eight damn passports I've had, on all those
stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being
allowed off the plane over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable
census forms.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my
mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be
abso-f*cking-lutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I
die!!!!!!
I apologise, I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an'
me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my
house, then you ask me for my f*cking address !!!!
What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthal arseholes
workin' there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden?
I
don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for sh*t sakes. I just want to go
and park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere. And would someone please
tell me, why would you give a sh*t whether I plan on visiting a farm in
the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a
chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last f*cking people I'd
want to tell!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the poxy
city to get another f*cking copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of
£30. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same
spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??
Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe makes sense. You'd
rather have us running all over the f*ckin' place like chickens with our
heads cut off, then have to find some arsehole to confirm that it's
really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed
to smile?! (bureaucratic f*ckin' morons) Hey, do you know why we
couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're totally pissed off!
Signed
An Irate Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to
confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since
1776 ......... I have served in the military for something over 30 years
and have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me
to undertake highly secretive missions all over the world. .........
However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know,
someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN F*CKING PAKISTAN !
Sincerely,
The Glasgow Brothel!!
The madam opened the brothel door in Glasgow and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
"May I help you sir?" she asked..
"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else", said the madam.
"No, I must see Valerie," he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged £5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left..
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, as she was so expensive. There were no discounts. The price was still £5000.
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upsta irs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?"
The man replied, " Edinburgh ."
"Really", she said. "I have family in Edinburgh .."
"I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I'm her solicitor. I was instructed to deliver your £15,000 inheritance in person..."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain------
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
Friday, 4 February 2011
Can You Spot Him?
The following was sent to me via my local hospital service!
How long does it take you to find the man in the coffee bean picture? More than 30 seconds? More than a minute?
This is bizarre - after you find the guy – it's so obvious.
Once you find him - it's embarrassing, and you think, 'Why didn't I see him immediately?'
Which one is YOU?
1) Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in the coffee beans in 3 seconds, the right half of your brain is better developed than most people.
2) If you find the man between 3 seconds and 1 minute, the right half of the brain is developed normally.
3) If you find the man between 1 minute and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and you need to eat more protein.
4) If you have not found the man after 3 minutes, the advice is to look for more of this type of exercise to make that part of the brain stronger!!!
And, yes, the man is really there!!
After you find the man in the beans forward this page to your brainy friends.
The following was sent to me via my local hospital service!
How long does it take you to find the man in the coffee bean picture? More than 30 seconds? More than a minute?
This is bizarre - after you find the guy – it's so obvious.
Once you find him - it's embarrassing, and you think, 'Why didn't I see him immediately?'
Which one is YOU?
1) Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in the coffee beans in 3 seconds, the right half of your brain is better developed than most people.
2) If you find the man between 3 seconds and 1 minute, the right half of the brain is developed normally.
3) If you find the man between 1 minute and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and you need to eat more protein.
4) If you have not found the man after 3 minutes, the advice is to look for more of this type of exercise to make that part of the brain stronger!!!
And, yes, the man is really there!!
After you find the man in the beans forward this page to your brainy friends.
