MOWING THE LAWN

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered.

It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read,

'Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said,

'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'

STICK TO ENGLISH

A doctor who spoke limited Spanish was rushed to a car in the ER parking lot to find a Spanish woman in the process of giving birth.

Wanting to tell the woman to push he started yelling "Puta! Puta! Puta!"

At this the grandmother started to cry and the baby's father had to be restrained.

What the doctor should have been saying was "Puja!" (Push!) Instead he was saying "Whore! Whore! Whore!"

POLICE FEELS A REAL PRICK

A man in his mid-fifties did a Loraina Bobbit on himself in a drunken rage and ended up in the ER. The urologist thought that he could reattach the mans genitalia if it could be recovered and if it was in good condition.

The police were dispatched to the man's house and the search was on. During the search one of the officers heard a choking sound coming from the man's poodle that was sitting in the corner. After a brief fight the officer was able to retrieve the man's jewels from the dog's mouth

.

After inspection of the parts by the urologist it was decided that the man would need to be taught to pee while sitting (if you know what I mean). The officer was given a commendation from his precinct for medical assistance.