NOTICE ON CAR

Just last weekend on Friday night we parked in a public
parking area. As we drove away I noticed a sticker on the
rear window of the car. When I took it off after I got home,
it was a receipt for petrol. Luckily my friend told me not to
stop as it could be someone waiting for me to get out of the
car.

Then we received this email yesterday:

'WARNING FROM WEST MIDLANDS POLICE

BEWARE OF PAPER ON THE BACK WINDOW OF YOUR VEHICLE--NEW WAY TO DO CAR JACKINGS (NOT A JOKE)'

You walk across the car parking , unlock your car and get inside. You
start the engine and shift into Reverse.When you look into the rear view mirror to back out of your parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window. So, you shift into neutral, unlock your doors and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view.

When you reach the back of your car, that is when the carjackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off. They practically mow you down as they speed off in your car.

And guess what, ladies? I bet your purse is still in the car.

So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your
money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are
now compromised!

BEWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED.

If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, just
drive away. Remove the paper later. And be thankful that you
read this e-mail. I hope you will forward this to friends and
family, especially to women. A purse contains all kinds of
personal information and identification d o cuments, and you certainly do NOT want this to fall into the wrong hands.

Please pass this on.

DO MEN REMEMBER

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

'I would have been released today.'

POSTMAN PATS RETIREMENT SEND OFF

It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns in the UK.

When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for £50.

At the second house, they presented him an 18-carat gold watch.

The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch whisky.

At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a dumb blonde in her lingerie.

She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the dumb blonde fixed him a full George Best breakfast: Bacon, Eggs, Sausage & Tomato with freshly-squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a £5 note sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

'All this was just wonderful and I'm truly grateful,' he said, 'but what's the five quid for?'

'Well,' said the dumb blonde, 'last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you.'

'I asked him what to give you. 'He said, 'F*ck him. Give him a fiver'.'

She smiled shyly and said, 'The breakfast was my idea!'